lightheadedness

Sleep has not been my friend lately. Every manifestation of sleep is within my reach. Within the length of my limbs. Yet it aches to see my desperation to do so. it aches to realize how the possibility of dreaming would mean being lost and eventually dying in the midst of the happiest of dreams. 

So it is better to become lightheaded yet sober. To let worthless thoughts enter and come out of my mind than to stagnate at the thought of sleepfulness. The experience of going beyond the realm of the tangible. It is better to hold on to material thing because permanence and physical forms are always quantifiable and its loss would mean nothing but a physical deterioration. 

Loneliness is lonelier when the intangible, the presence that's made up, the thought that's imagined are the things lost. In sleeping, what happens is the deletion of the aches and pains of the day, the recovery of the energy lost, but also, the moving of the physical to the memory-al, the intangible musing that past has gotten hold onto. I admire the insomniac, for even if the same process of material-to-memory transfer of experience happens to them, their experience goes beyond the mere process. Their experience is fuller for they are able to balance the pain that is physical with the pain that is imagined or pretty much though of in the process of making things permanent still. Insomniacs need to make sure that amidst their lightheadedness and restlessness, their experience are made up of a dialectics between the physical manifestation of emotion and the concept of it engraved in their minds.

I like sleeping, dreaming even. I like rest and comfort, but i also like lightheadedness, because it makes me realize how much of the physical can I tolerate, how much of the emotional can I contain and how much of both can I balance. Lightheadedness makes me experience a different form of humanity, a transcendental form. A form that allows me to live in a dreamy state of consciousness yet experience the blurry face of reality at the very same moment they are occurring.